Wee Boy: So Dave, the rain waters the plants, animals eat the plants, then we eat the animals and our poop goes in the ground and grows the plants.
Me: sure that sounds about right
Wee Boy: I bet a lot of corn grows from my poop
Monthly Archives: October 2013
Lucky Soldiers
Me: one time when my brother was over in Afghanistan he was out in country and went a whole month without taking a shower.
Wee Boy: Wow he’s lucky
How Magic Really Works
Wee Boy: So Dave, I was watching a magician who had this girl sitting on a bench and then he took the bench away and she was still sitting there like she was floating in the air!
Me: wow that’s pretty cool.
Wee Boy: yeah, it was just a trick though
Me: yeah that’s how magic works
Wee Boy: yeah, I could tell how he did it. It was obvious he had invisible spray. I know how that kind of trick works
Life Lessons from Al Capone
Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.
Avoiding WWIII One 4th Grader at a Time
(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)
Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII
The Problem With The Russians
Wee Boy: Dave you know what the problem with Russians are? They’ll ask you “when are your missiles coming?” and even if you don’t have any missiles, they’ll lock you in a room and keep asking you that all night. Like they did to Rambo’s friend”
Preferring a Brother or a Sister
Wee Boy: So Dave, the kids and I were talking today and I think it’d be better to have a brother than a sister
Me: oh yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I think with a sister, they’ll bring their boyfriends over, they’ll text all the time and they call you a loser. With brothers, they just break your stuff
Ultimate Christmas Present
Wee Boy: I want a motorized scooter so bad. I’m going to ask for it for Christmas, my birthday and all the other holidays. Even April Fools
Old Fashion Television
(black and white tv show comes on)
Me: hey have you ever seen a show like this in black and white?
Wee Boy: no but there’s books in my school where the letters are all black and white
Racial Stereotypes in Cartoons
Wee Boy: so Dave, guess who would win in a race. The Roadrunner or Speedy Gonzales.
Me: how do you know who Speedy Gonzales is?
Wee Boy: oh he’s on the new Looney Tunes show.
Me: oh. I thought they stopped making shows with him because he’s a racial stereotype
Wee Boy: Oh he’s still on the show and it’s fine. . They just made it so he delivers the pizza now.
Musings From the Wee Boy 