Wee Boy: Dave why are you so wet!
Me: just got out of the shower
Wee Boy. Oh. Well no offense Dave but if I got out of the shower I’d be twice as wet as you
Category Friends
Promoting Hunting
Wee Boy: So Aiden have you ever been hunting?
Aiden: No
Wee Boy: Would you ever want to go hunting?
Aiden: No I don’t think I could shoot an animal
Wee Boy: Oh don’t worry, you get over that real fast.
Issues with Communion
Kid at museum: Do you go to church?
Wee Boy: Sometimes
Kid: Which church do you go to?
Wee Boy: I dunno. I think church is creepy how they turn Jesus’s body into bread and eat him
Life Lessons from Al Capone
Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.
Avoiding WWIII One 4th Grader at a Time
(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)
Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII
Preferring a Brother or a Sister
Wee Boy: So Dave, the kids and I were talking today and I think it’d be better to have a brother than a sister
Me: oh yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I think with a sister, they’ll bring their boyfriends over, they’ll text all the time and they call you a loser. With brothers, they just break your stuff
Envy of Friends
Wee Boy: So my friend Timmy says I’m the luckiest kid he knows
Me: oh yeah why’s that?
Wee Boy: oh I don’t know. Maybe because I’m skinny, tall and I’m good at doing the worm
Sleepover at a Democrat’s House
Me: so you excited for your sleepover this weekend?
Wee Boy: oh yeah. You bet
Me: cool! Yeah it’ll be fun!
Wee Boy: yeah. I think it might be a little weird though
Me: oh yeah why’s that?
Wee Boy: well at Timmy’s house they vote for Obama and my grandpa says we all vote for Romney.
Me: well in this house we vote all kinds of ways. But that won’t matter to you.
Wee Boy: I dunno. But I’ll let you know if they do anything weird
Friends Impressions of Me
Wee Boy: So Dave, I told my friend Jake’s dad that you took me to the most haunted place in the country to walk around
Me: oh yeah what did he say?
Wee Boy: He said “I’m not surprised”
Fight Causations
Wee Boy: so mom, want to hear what happened yesterday? A kid walked up and punched me.
Marley: what?! Matthew why did he punch you?
Wee Boy: I’m not sure. But I think it’s because I hit him in the face with a snowball
Musings From the Wee Boy 