Shower dampness

Wee Boy: Dave why are you so wet!
Me: just got out of the shower
Wee Boy. Oh. Well no offense Dave but if I got out of the shower I’d be twice as wet as you

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Life Lessons from Al Capone

Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.

Avoiding WWIII One 4th Grader at a Time

(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)

Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII

Preferring a Brother or a Sister

Wee Boy: So Dave, the kids and I were talking today and I think it’d be better to have a brother than a sister
Me: oh yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I think with a sister, they’ll bring their boyfriends over, they’ll text all the time and they call you a loser. With brothers, they just break your stuff

Sleepover at a Democrat’s House

Me: so you excited for your sleepover this weekend?
Wee Boy: oh yeah. You bet
Me: cool! Yeah it’ll be fun!
Wee Boy: yeah. I think it might be a little weird though
Me: oh yeah why’s that?
Wee Boy: well at Timmy’s house they vote for Obama and my grandpa says we all vote for Romney.
Me: well in this house we vote all kinds of ways. But that won’t matter to you.
Wee Boy: I dunno. But I’ll let you know if they do anything weird