Wee Boy: so a kid thought I got him in trouble today and he told me he was could to sue me
Me: haha sue you huh?
Wee Boy: yeah but he doesn’t know what he’s messin with.
Me: well dude, he’s a kid he can’t sue you. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Wee Boy: no he doesn’t. He’s just sayin that. Besides, even if he could sue me, he doesn’t realize I would send him to a deserted island.
Me: that’s how most lawsuits are settled out of court
Wee Boy: Yeah
Wee Boy: hey Dave, you know what would be awesome?
Me: no what?
Wee Boy: if I accidentally dialed the president.
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. He’d pick up and say “hello this is Barack Obama” and I’d say “Obama! What the eff?!” And hang up before he knew who called.
Wee Boy: hey Dave, do I sound like I’m from the south? “Hey! All y’all y’all y’all yeah man!”
(Watching the breakfast machine scene in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)
Wee Boy: I don’t know who that guy is but he’s the happiest person I’ve ever seen in my life
Wee Boy: I got my first cross country meet after school
Me: nice! Who ya running against?
Wee Boy: Bryan Junior High
Me: right on. You know if they’re any good?
Wee Boy: well the coach says they’re 2nd best.
Me: nice. Who’s ranked #1?
Wee Boy: We are. The coach says they are our friends and to be good sportsmen. But I think it’s good to go beat your friends
Wee Boy: Barbara (girl in his class) says she is going to choose to marry me, Garrett or Tim (other kids in his class). But I don’t care, she has a twin.
Marley: what does that mean?
Wee Boy: if she picks one of them, I’ll just take her twin.
Wee Boy: Me and Tim O’Leary used to be best friends but then we weren’t but now we’re starting to be friends again
Me: Oh? You guys had a falling out?
Wee Boy: Yeah we did
Me: Over a chick?
Wee Boy: No…we had to stop being friends because he thought a triceratops could beat a T-Rex
Wee Boy: So what’s with boys who are with boys?
Marley: Well some people are in love with people of the same gender.
Wee Boy: Is it bad that I think it’s weird?
Marley: why do you think it’s weird?
Wee Boy: Well doesn’t a penis go with a vagina?
Marley: Well not always. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way at your age, but what’s important is that you treat everybody equally regardless of who they are in love with.
Wee Boy: Well girls and girls together are good, but I don’t know about two guys.
Me: Well as you get older, you’ll meet guys who are together that are perfectly cool guys. I’m sure you’ll talk about more about this in school.
Wee Boy: yeah probably
(dear god I hope the education system doesn’t muck this up)
Me: alright dude, how’d your day go?
Wee Boy: well my day was going good right up until it started.
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah right when I went to home room, it all went downhill
Me: what happened?
Wee Boy: well you know those two girls I go to school with? Barbara and Katrina?
Wee Boy: well for two years now they see me coming and they start saying my name. Finally today I told them I’ve had it.
Me: uh oh, was everything okay?
Wee Boy: well, not exactly. I told them I got three lists of people in my head. The good people, like you and my mom, the medium people, and the people I hate. And I told them they are about to get downgraded to the medium list. I take that stuff really serious. Does that mean I have an anger management problem?