( showing the wee boy how Apple Loops work on my new rig in the basement )
Wee Boy: that’s pretty neat Dave. But can this thing play any Beastie Boys? Cos if not is it okay if I go back upstairs and watch my show?
Wee Boy: so Dave what are your parents up to these days?
Me: well, in a week they’ll be sailing around the Virgin Islands on a sailboat
Wee Boy: oh really? Like in the ocean?
Wee Boy: well I hope they don’t get attacked by a shark. Actually I hope they don’t get attacked by a whale, because that’s actually more common.
Wee Boy: so Dave why are you on a diet?
Me: cos I’m getting fat
Wee Boy: aww, you don’t look like you’re getting fat to me.
Me: heh well thanks, that’s nice of you!
Marley: Whenever I say that Dave just thinks I’m being nice
Wee Boy: yeah, well actually I’m just being nice too.
Wee Boy: Dave why are you so wet!
Me: just got out of the shower
Wee Boy. Oh. Well no offense Dave but if I got out of the shower I’d be twice as wet as you
(Watching Breakfast Club)
Emilio Estevez: what did your parents do to you?
Ally Sheedy: (whispers) they ignore me
Wee Boy: what did she say?
Marley: she said her parents ignore her
Wee Boy: oh. Yeah, looking at her I can see why
Me: hey dude, it’s past 10 and there’s no way the Bears are going to win this. Why don’t you start heading to bed
Wee Boy: Dave, the most important part of sports is that you never quit. It’d be wrong of me not to stay with this game. I need to stay up and watch until the end. Quitters never win Dave
Wee Boy: Dave you’re an awesome step dad. Plus you get mad at a lot of things, like people chewing with their mouth open. But that’s okay. You’d probably make a good social studies teacher.
Me: what’s your favorite thing about this movie (Sharknado)
Wee Boy: when the sharks attack the people and the people attack the sharks
Me: what’s your least favorite thing?
Wee Boy: The drama and pretty much everything else. But the music is good.
Wee Boy: that’s really sad about the Fast and Furious guy dying in that accident
Wee Boy: what was the car he was in?
Me: it was a pretty expensive car. It was a racing Porsche
Wee Boy: oh
(A minute later)
Wee Boy: I bet when that guy crashed and died he thought to himself “well, a good thing is that I won’t have to pay all the bills on this car anymore”. I know that’s what I’d think.
Wee Boy: so Dave, when you saw that I chewed with my mouth open when you first met me did you think “Boy I am in for a loooooooooong life”