Wee Boy: hey I’m going to put these handcuffs on
Me: on yourself?
Wee Boy: Yeah
Me: You’re really into those cuffs eh?
Wee Boy: well yeah. You know how sometimes you want to see what it’s like to be a criminal? That’s what I’m doing. “Get me out of here! I was framed! I’ll never last in prison!”
Marley: so you think you’ll be a protective older brother to your sister
Wee Boy: oh yeah. If she has a loser boyfriend I’ll shoot him in the balls with a paint gun. It’ll leave a bruise
Wee Boy: no offense to Christians but for me , church is really boring
Wee Boy: do you think we could go to McDonalds?
Me: no we’re gonna eat at the house
Wee Boy:well I really wish we could go to McDonald’s
Me: dude, we’re gonna make chili and eat real food. Fast food is junk. We can’t always be eating it.
Wee Boy: but it’s so good! Dave do you have any idea how good it is? Whenever I eat there it’s like a magical journey of flavor!
Marley: Go upstairs and brush your teeth
Wee Boy: but I’m playing with Sophie
Marley: well it’s time to brush your teeth
Wee Boy: *sigh* well all I wanna do is just be a boy who loves his dog but i guess teeth are more important
Wee Boy: If I wanted to, I bet I could be a doctor or a nurse
Marley: yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I know how to diagnose things. Like at school Barbera told me her ear was bleeding and I diagnosed it for her
Marley: oh yeah? What did you tell her?
Wee Boy: I told her she’s probably going to die
(Getting chewed out for leaving the garage open while he went to the park)
Wee Boy: look, let’s just drop the conversation. Otherwise I’ll get upset. I don’t want that. You don’t want that. This isn’t going to be good for anybody
Wee boy: “Dave, I know Jaws isn’t your favorite movie, but you know when it would be your favorite? When Jaws has to fight Rocky”
Wee Boy: “So if you killed somebody, would you get in as much trouble as you do for littering?”
Wee Boy: “So Dave, if you had to pick, would you rather get shot in the nuts, or shot in the butt?