Me: Do you know who the president is?
Wee Boy: Barack Obama
Me: Nice! How’d you hear about that?
Wee Boy: my grandpa told me
Me: oh yeah? What did he tell you?
Wee Boy: that he’s ruining the country
Category History
How the Wee Boy Came Into the World
Wee Boy: so mom..when I was born did I come out of your penis?
Marley: well women don’t have penises
Wee Boy: What do you mean? Why not?
Marley: well they have something else
Wee Boy: so point to where I came out of you
Marley: well you’ll learn
Wee Boy: did I pop out like a balloon?
Marley: sure why not
Unquestionable Evolutionary truth
Wee Boy: Dave did you know all people came from apes?
Me: well a specific kind of ape.
Wee Boy: yeah ones that were alive.
Van Gogh doesn’t live up to expectations
Wee Boy: we sit at a table in art class called the Van Gogh Table
Me: oh yeah? Do you know who Vincent Van Gogh was?
Wee Boy: a sumo wrestler?
Me: He was a famous painter. He painted some very famous paintings. He was kind of crazy too.
Wee Boy: well I kind of wish he was a sumo wrestler
Snow and Disaster Costs
Wee Boy: Dave is it snowing?
Me: Doesn’t look like it
Wee Boy: So Dave, that reminds me, I have to ask you, what cost more, the Titanic or the iceberg that killed the Titanic?
Where I work
(watching robocop)
Me: you know how the company that built Robocop is Omni Consumer Products…well my company is called Omni-Com
Wee Boy: do they make drugs or robots?
Life Lessons from Al Capone
Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.
Avoiding WWIII One 4th Grader at a Time
(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)
Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII
The Problem With The Russians
Wee Boy: Dave you know what the problem with Russians are? They’ll ask you “when are your missiles coming?” and even if you don’t have any missiles, they’ll lock you in a room and keep asking you that all night. Like they did to Rambo’s friend”
Old Fashion Television
(black and white tv show comes on)
Me: hey have you ever seen a show like this in black and white?
Wee Boy: no but there’s books in my school where the letters are all black and white
Musings From the Wee Boy 