Me: Do you know who the president is?
Wee Boy: Barack Obama
Me: Nice! How’d you hear about that?
Wee Boy: my grandpa told me
Me: oh yeah? What did he tell you?
Wee Boy: that he’s ruining the country
Wee Boy: so mom..when I was born did I come out of your penis?
Marley: well women don’t have penises
Wee Boy: What do you mean? Why not?
Marley: well they have something else
Wee Boy: so point to where I came out of you
Marley: well you’ll learn
Wee Boy: did I pop out like a balloon?
Marley: sure why not
Wee Boy: Dave did you know all people came from apes?
Me: well a specific kind of ape.
Wee Boy: yeah ones that were alive.
Wee Boy: we sit at a table in art class called the Van Gogh Table
Me: oh yeah? Do you know who Vincent Van Gogh was?
Wee Boy: a sumo wrestler?
Me: He was a famous painter. He painted some very famous paintings. He was kind of crazy too.
Wee Boy: well I kind of wish he was a sumo wrestler
Wee Boy: Dave is it snowing?
Me: Doesn’t look like it
Wee Boy: So Dave, that reminds me, I have to ask you, what cost more, the Titanic or the iceberg that killed the Titanic?
Me: you know how the company that built Robocop is Omni Consumer Products…well my company is called Omni-Com
Wee Boy: do they make drugs or robots?
Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.
(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)
Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII
Wee Boy: Dave you know what the problem with Russians are? They’ll ask you “when are your missiles coming?” and even if you don’t have any missiles, they’ll lock you in a room and keep asking you that all night. Like they did to Rambo’s friend”
(black and white tv show comes on)
Me: hey have you ever seen a show like this in black and white?
Wee Boy: no but there’s books in my school where the letters are all black and white