Wee Boy: that’s really sad about the Fast and Furious guy dying in that accident
Wee Boy: what was the car he was in?
Me: it was a pretty expensive car. It was a racing Porsche
Wee Boy: oh
(A minute later)
Wee Boy: I bet when that guy crashed and died he thought to himself “well, a good thing is that I won’t have to pay all the bills on this car anymore”. I know that’s what I’d think.
Wee Boy: Dave is it snowing?
Me: Doesn’t look like it
Wee Boy: So Dave, that reminds me, I have to ask you, what cost more, the Titanic or the iceberg that killed the Titanic?
Me: you know bud, as you get older you’ll probably have all kinds of jobs
Wee Boy: why wouldn’t I just work at the video game store?
Me: So the blinds lady will be over in 20 minutes?
Marley: Yeah she called to confirm
Wee Boy: why is she blind and why does she want to come to our house?
Me: you know how the company that built Robocop is Omni Consumer Products…well my company is called Omni-Com
Wee Boy: do they make drugs or robots?
(driving in Hinsdale)
Me: dude kids born in these houses come into this world with a silver spoon up their ass, we want to make sure you are always down to earth
Wee Boy: Dave, that’s impossible. Kids aren’t born with things up their butts are they mom?
Wee Boy: hey Dave, you know what would be awesome?
Me: no what?
Wee Boy: if I accidentally dialed the president.
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. He’d pick up and say “hello this is Barack Obama” and I’d say “Obama! What the eff?!” And hang up before he knew who called.
(Driving around looking at the old mansions in town)
Wee Boy: Dave, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I don’t think you and my mom will ever be rich.
Wee Boy: so when are we taking a trip to Australia?
Me: when you come up with 15 grand or so to afford the trip
Wee Boy: hmm, well I don’t have that much. The only reason I want to go is because I want to get an emu egg so I can raise it
Me: well even if you do get an emu egg, you’re not raising it at our house
Wee Boy: well have you thought of the benefits? We’d never have burglars because they’d see the emu through the windows.
Me: so you’re saying emus make good guard animals?
Wee Boy: yes! Plus we could make sure its friends with Sophie. We could put signs up that say “Beware Attack Emus”. It’d be perfect! Just don’t make an omelett out of the egg Dave. That would make me really upset.
Me: well how about we just put up the signs. We don’t need to actually have the attack Emu.
Wee Boy: Dave. That’s ridiculous. Burglars will never believe it just because there’s a sign.