Marley: Go upstairs and brush your teeth
Wee Boy: but I’m playing with Sophie
Marley: well it’s time to brush your teeth
Wee Boy: *sigh* well all I wanna do is just be a boy who loves his dog but i guess teeth are more important
Marley: Matthew use a fork to eat your chicken!
Wee Boy: well I like using my hands
Marley: when you’re at the dinner table you use your fork. That’s table manners.
Wee Boy: You know, this weekend my grandpa told me to use a fork while eating my chicken strips. I didn’t like it, so I used my hands. He didn’t like it but I have a feeling my whole family is about to turn against me. Even you. Yep, I’m in for a long battle.
Wee Boy: why does it smell like crap in here?
(Glare from Marley)
Wee Boy: sorry…why it smell like shit in here?
Wee Boy: If I wanted to, I bet I could be a doctor or a nurse
Marley: yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I know how to diagnose things. Like at school Barbera told me her ear was bleeding and I diagnosed it for her
Marley: oh yeah? What did you tell her?
Wee Boy: I told her she’s probably going to die
Wee Boy: mom, when you wear that shirt, you really look pregnant! It really shows how pregnant you are!
Wee Boy: you know who’s pretty awesome?
Wee Boy: black people
Me: what makes you say that?
Wee Boy: well we learned in school how they fought and got silver rights. So that’s pretty awesome
Me: silver rights?
Wee Boy: yeah
Me: I think you mean Civil Rights
Wee Boy: oh. Well I guess that’s pretty good too
(Getting chewed out for leaving the garage open while he went to the park)
Wee Boy: look, let’s just drop the conversation. Otherwise I’ll get upset. I don’t want that. You don’t want that. This isn’t going to be good for anybody
Wee boy: “Dave, I know Jaws isn’t your favorite movie, but you know when it would be your favorite? When Jaws has to fight Rocky”
Wee Boy: “So if you killed somebody, would you get in as much trouble as you do for littering?”
Wee Boy: “So Dave, if you had to pick, would you rather get shot in the nuts, or shot in the butt?