Women’s natural defense

(Wee boy is watching a Sci Fi channel movie called Two Headed Shark and suddenly all the women on the beach take their tops off)
Marley: Matthew you can’t watch this
Wee Boy: Oh c’mon I can handle it
Marley: You’re too young to watch this
Wee Boy: Mom they’re milk cannons, the woman’s most powerful weapon

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Optimizing wishes

Wee Boy: So Dave if you had one wish what would it be?
Me: I would wish for infinite wishes
Wee Boy: that’s pretty good. I though about that too. But I think a better wish would be that every night you turn into a velociraptor. It’d be pretty awesome. You could stay up as late as you want. Do you want to change your wish to be a velociraptor too Dave?

Problems with the Teacher

Marley: Matthew I’m not happy. I got a note from your teacher that you were being a smart allek in class
Wee Boy: well yeah, that happened. I didn’t have to go to the principle’s office though.
Marley: it doesn’t matter! You have no right to be disrespectful to your teachers! Do you know why what you said was wrong?
Wee Boy: I know. To be honest, it all started when I told her I’m not an idiot, I know what a microscope is. Then it just got worse…