Author Archives: Dave McAnally

How Christmas works

Me (to Marley): man I thought Christmas was Saturday for some reason.
Wee Boy: Dave it’s the 25th. And that’s Sunday. You go to bed on the 24th and Santa comes and then you open your presents. That’s how it works. Let me know if you have any questions I can explain it for you.

Movies aren’t real

Wee Boy: Dave I want to see Alvin and the Chipmunks
Me: Well you’ll have to find somebody else to take you
Wee Boy: why?
Me: Because I can’t stand them.
Wee Boy: what don’t you like about them?
Me: that they exist
Wee Boy: they don’t exist Dave. It’s just a movie, they aren’t real.

Awful Magazines

Wee Boy (notices a Victoria’s Secret catalog in the mail pile: “Mom! What is that?!”
Marley: “oh that’s a catalog with stuff for women.”
Wee Boy: “She’s in her underwear! Does Dave look at these?”
Marley: “that’s actually sent to me”
Wee Boy: “well I think it’s sick!”
(2 minutes later)
Wee Boy: Hey you think I could look at it?

Serious Disagreements

Wee Boy: Me and Tim O’Leary used to be best friends but then we weren’t but now we’re starting to be friends again
Me: Oh? You guys had a falling out?
Wee Boy: Yeah we did
Me: Over a chick?
Wee Boy: No…we had to stop being friends because he thought a triceratops could beat a T-Rex

Who to Talk To About It

Wee Boy: Mom! I have a problem! My penis is getting big again!
Marley: Matthew that’s normal. And it’ll start happening more
Wee Boy: Oh god really?
Marley: Yeah and really that’s something you should talk to Dave or your dad about cos that’s really a private boy thing
Wee Boy: Yeah I guess so since all you’ve got is a vagina

Advice for mom

(walking in on wee boy watching a scene (covertly) in a show where a stripper is giving a dude a lap dance)
Wee Boy (upon being discovered): Mom, I just want to say, if you did dances for Dave like that, he’d be 10 times as much in love with you

Burritos

Marley: I can’t believe you can eat a whole burrito (at chipotle) now. I remember when you couldn’t finish 3 tacos.
Wee Boy: Yep. The day Dave told me what a burrito was my life changed forever.

Boys with Boys

Wee Boy: So what’s with boys who are with boys?
Marley: Well some people are in love with people of the same gender.
Wee Boy: Is it bad that I think it’s weird?
Marley: why do you think it’s weird?
Wee Boy: Well doesn’t a penis go with a vagina?
Marley: Well not always. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way at your age, but what’s important is that you treat everybody equally regardless of who they are in love with.
Wee Boy: Well girls and girls together are good, but I don’t know about two guys.
Me: Well as you get older, you’ll meet guys who are together that are perfectly cool guys. I’m sure you’ll talk about more about this in school.
Wee Boy: yeah probably
(dear god I hope the education system doesn’t muck this up)

TV in the old days

Me: you know how much tv you watched today?
Wee Boy: I dunno
Me: 2 hours
Wee Boy: oh
Me: don’t you think that’s a lot?
Wee Boy: yeah that’s pretty good
Me: *sigh* you know when I was your age we didn’t have cable and apple tv. We had three channels. And so we had to find other things to do. What do you think about that?
Wee Boy: oh that sounds like pain man. You really had it hard