Wee Boy: You know what I love about you mom?
Marley: what’s that?
Wee Boy: that you act like a mom
Category Age
Babysitting Economics
Nora: Matthew you’re going to be at an age soon where you could babysit. You think you’d watch my kid and earn some money?
Wee Boy: well it depends if I like him or not
Nora: really, what if I paid you $20?
Wee Boy: well if I like him that’d be fine. But if I don’t like him I’d need probably $100
Rocky and Life
Wee Boy: Dave do we have to watch Rocky IV?
Me: Yeah dude, you’ve had cartoons on all morning.
Wee Boy: why do you want me to watch Rocky IV though? Because you want to teach me about life?
(ponders for a second)
Me: yes…that’s exactly why
Growing
Wee Boy: my bones hurt
Me: You know you might be going through growing pains
Wee Boy: what’s that?
Me: well as you grow your body might ache a bit getting used to it
Wee Boy: you mean I’m going to keep growing?
Me: Oh yeah you’ll be bigger than me some day
Wee Boy: ooooh I don’t like the sound of that
When Girls Grow Up
Wee Boy: So Dave, did you know when I get older my balls will get bigger? But when girls grow up all they get is hair.
Preferring a Brother or a Sister
Wee Boy: So Dave, the kids and I were talking today and I think it’d be better to have a brother than a sister
Me: oh yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I think with a sister, they’ll bring their boyfriends over, they’ll text all the time and they call you a loser. With brothers, they just break your stuff
Pity for Paulie
(I’m in one room and Rocky Balboa is on)
Wee Boy: so this is when Rocky is old eh?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: soooo, you don’t want to watch cartoons eh?
Me: no
Wee Boy: who is that guy
Me: That’s Paulie, Rocky’s buddy
Wee Boy: why is he yelling at Rocky?
Me: cos he’s mad he got fired
Wee Boy: he got fired?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: that’s sad
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: well, this movie is making me sad. I’m going to go in the other room and watch cartoons. It’s not because I want to watch cartoons, it’s just because this movie makes me sad.
Me: well it gets happy
Wee Boy: oh I don’t know, I’m pretty sad now. Seriously Dave, it’s not because I’d rather watch cartoons, I’m just really sad that Paulie got fired and I don’t think I can get through this movie. Is that okay?
Time Relativity
(Title scene of Braveheart comes on)
Wee Boy: what does 1280 A.D. mean?
Me: that’s the year this movie took place
Wee Boy: wow! That was a long time ago! I’m not positive but I think that might even be before my grandma was born!
Teenagers and the Elderly
Wee Boy: So Dave, you know who old people hate?
Me: who?
Wee Boy: Teenagers
Me: Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: Oh I’ve seen it. They hate it when teenagers are around. They also hate rap music. Old people like songs like Mary Had a Little Lamb.
Useful Grandmas
Marley: wow your grandma sure made us some good cookies!
Wee Boy: yeah that’s because old people are good at baking. Everybody knows that.