Wee Boy: my grandpa and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. Like- he hates it when I fart or belch in public. We totally disagree about that stuff
(at Wok ‘n Fire)
Wee Boy: so Dave, while we’re waiting for our food, I have a question- if you had antlers, would you rather have them on your head or on your butt?
Wee Boy: Dave if you shave that mustache before you marry my mom you’ll regret it. For the rest of your life
Wee Boy (notices a Victoria’s Secret catalog in the mail pile: “Mom! What is that?!”
Marley: “oh that’s a catalog with stuff for women.”
Wee Boy: “She’s in her underwear! Does Dave look at these?”
Marley: “that’s actually sent to me”
Wee Boy: “well I think it’s sick!”
(2 minutes later)
Wee Boy: Hey you think I could look at it?
Wee Boy: So what’s that movie that’s so scary my mom won’t watch it?
Me: The Exorcist. It’s a freaky movie dude. You definitely don’t want to watch that.
Wee Boy: yeah. That’s the one about the devil getting inside a kid right?
Me: Yeah pretty much
Wee Boy: so, what does the kid look like? Does he look like Justin Bieber?
Me: Ha no. It’s actually a little girl that gets possessed. Why did you think Justin Bieber?
Wee Boy: Oh I dunno. I guess he just looks like somebody who would have the devil inside of them.
Me: hey dude, why do you hike your pajamas up so high?
Wee Boy: Dave, you worry about your pants and I’ll worry about mine