Wee Boy: hey Dave, you know what would be awesome?
Me: no what?
Wee Boy: if I accidentally dialed the president.
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. He’d pick up and say “hello this is Barack Obama” and I’d say “Obama! What the eff?!” And hang up before he knew who called.
Category Life
Blending in with Southerners
Wee Boy: hey Dave, do I sound like I’m from the south? “Hey! All y’all y’all y’all yeah man!”
Emotional Scenes
(Watching Return of the Jedi )
Wee Boy: this is a really hard scene for me
Me: why?
Wee Boy: well I can handle the Storm Troopers getting killed, but I just get so emotional when the Ewoks die. That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to watch
The Portuguese
Wee Boy: Dave have you ever heard of the Portuguese?
Me: you mean people from Portugal?
Wee Boy: yeah I guess. They’re pretty scary and I think there’s a house in Germany where they are all over.
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. They move chairs around and fling things all over. Mostly they are in abandon places but sometimes they haunt families
Me: you said the Portuguese do this?
Wee Boy: yeah. I think there’s a movie about them. Basically they’re like ghosts but the move furniture more
Me: I think you mean Poltergeists.
Wee Boy: yeah maybe. They might be the same thing.
Nightmares
Wee Boy: Man, I had the freakiest dream last night.
Me: Oh yeah? What was it about?
Wee boy: Well I had a dream that I had ticks all over my balls and had to pick them off. Man what a nightmare that was!
Food Quality
Wee Boy: Dave, if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this: cartoon food looks way more delicious than real food
In polite society
Wee Boy: my grandpa and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things
Me: oh yeah?
Wee Boy: yeah. Like- he hates it when I fart or belch in public. We totally disagree about that stuff
The Ben and Jerry’s Factory Existential Question
Rick McAnally: so Matthew you think you’d like to be an ice cream flavor tester here?
Wee Boy: no I’d rather be president or something because there’s some flavors I don’t like
If you had antlers
(at Wok ‘n Fire)
Wee Boy: so Dave, while we’re waiting for our food, I have a question- if you had antlers, would you rather have them on your head or on your butt?
Being Un-American
Wee Boy: a lot of people don’t think I’m American because I don’t like bacon. I hope that doesn’t cause problems
Musings From the Wee Boy 