Me: one time when my brother was over in Afghanistan he was out in country and went a whole month without taking a shower.
Wee Boy: Wow he’s lucky
Category Life
How Magic Really Works
Wee Boy: So Dave, I was watching a magician who had this girl sitting on a bench and then he took the bench away and she was still sitting there like she was floating in the air!
Me: wow that’s pretty cool.
Wee Boy: yeah, it was just a trick though
Me: yeah that’s how magic works
Wee Boy: yeah, I could tell how he did it. It was obvious he had invisible spray. I know how that kind of trick works
The Problem With The Russians
Wee Boy: Dave you know what the problem with Russians are? They’ll ask you “when are your missiles coming?” and even if you don’t have any missiles, they’ll lock you in a room and keep asking you that all night. Like they did to Rambo’s friend”
Ultimate Christmas Present
Wee Boy: I want a motorized scooter so bad. I’m going to ask for it for Christmas, my birthday and all the other holidays. Even April Fools
Racial Stereotypes in Cartoons
Wee Boy: so Dave, guess who would win in a race. The Roadrunner or Speedy Gonzales.
Me: how do you know who Speedy Gonzales is?
Wee Boy: oh he’s on the new Looney Tunes show.
Me: oh. I thought they stopped making shows with him because he’s a racial stereotype
Wee Boy: Oh he’s still on the show and it’s fine. . They just made it so he delivers the pizza now.
Pity for Paulie
(I’m in one room and Rocky Balboa is on)
Wee Boy: so this is when Rocky is old eh?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: soooo, you don’t want to watch cartoons eh?
Me: no
Wee Boy: who is that guy
Me: That’s Paulie, Rocky’s buddy
Wee Boy: why is he yelling at Rocky?
Me: cos he’s mad he got fired
Wee Boy: he got fired?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: that’s sad
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: well, this movie is making me sad. I’m going to go in the other room and watch cartoons. It’s not because I want to watch cartoons, it’s just because this movie makes me sad.
Me: well it gets happy
Wee Boy: oh I don’t know, I’m pretty sad now. Seriously Dave, it’s not because I’d rather watch cartoons, I’m just really sad that Paulie got fired and I don’t think I can get through this movie. Is that okay?
Ideal Pets
(Watching Jumanji)
Wee Boy: Ya know Dave, this is one of those movies that really gets me thinking how monkees would not be good pets
The Worst Job
Wee Boy: so I was watching a show about the worst jobs. The worst job is if you have to inpregnate elephants. You know what you have to do? You have to massage their butts, and then stick medicine in the elephant’s pregnant hole! It’s disgusting!
Saying it and thinking it
(Terminator 2 is on AMC and the scene where John Connor is teaching the terminator how to speak street is on)
John Connor: when somebody is messing with you, just say “chill out dickweed!”
Marley: Matthew don’t you ever say that! That’s bad language
Wee Boy: oh don’t worry mom, I would never say that out loud. I just say that in my head about people sometimes so it’s fine.
Presidential Debates
(Watching the debate) Wee Boy: wait why are they shaking hands? Aren’t they supposed to argue?
Musings From the Wee Boy 