Competing with the Chinese

Wee Boy: Dave do you think I should have a shorter school year?
Me: No. Actually there’s states that’d like to have kids go all year round
Wee Boy: Why?
Me: So you can be on the same level as the Chinese kids your age
Wee Boy: why do I have to be at the same level as the Chinese?
Me: Because you’ll have to compete with them for jobs when you get older.
Wee Boy: Dave, there’s no way the Chinese will take my jobs. They can’t even speak our language. You can’t work at the video game store like that

Circle of Life

Wee Boy: So Dave, the rain waters the plants, animals eat the plants, then we eat the animals and our poop goes in the ground and grows the plants.
Me: sure that sounds about right
Wee Boy: I bet a lot of corn grows from my poop

How Magic Really Works

Wee Boy: So Dave, I was watching a magician who had this girl sitting on a bench and then he took the bench away and she was still sitting there like she was floating in the air!
Me: wow that’s pretty cool.
Wee Boy: yeah, it was just a trick though
Me: yeah that’s how magic works
Wee Boy: yeah, I could tell how he did it. It was obvious he had invisible spray. I know how that kind of trick works

Life Lessons from Al Capone

Wee Boy (to his friend): so Dave told me all about how Al Capone was a famous gangster and he made lots of money and killed lots of people
Timmy (his friend): really? That’s cool!
Wee Boy: yeah, but he had to go to jail because he didn’t pay his taxes. So he couldn’t sell beer anymore. And that’s why it’s so important to pay your taxes.

Avoiding WWIII One 4th Grader at a Time

(preface: I have no idea what the context here is but the wee boy has a friend over and he’s explaining things to him)

Wee Boy: So Timmy, there’s one thing I want you to never do. Don’t ever split an atom. Seriously. You do that and you’re just asking for a nuclear explosion.
Timmy: Really?
Wee Boy: yeah don’t you remember WWII?
Timmy: oh yeah…you can tell which wars are more violent and cooler because the numbers go up.
Wee Boy: yeah you don’t want to start WWIII

Preferring a Brother or a Sister

Wee Boy: So Dave, the kids and I were talking today and I think it’d be better to have a brother than a sister
Me: oh yeah? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well I think with a sister, they’ll bring their boyfriends over, they’ll text all the time and they call you a loser. With brothers, they just break your stuff