(Walking the trash cans back from the curb)
Wee Boy: Dave you know what fear I’ve had lately?
Me: what’s that?
Wee Boy: oh, like what if a monster came and ripped out my bladder?
Me: what? Why are you thinking about that?
Wee Boy: oh I dunno. Just one of those things I guess. But that’d be really bad if that happened because I’d get blood all over my penis
Wee Boy: would you rather eat a handful of chocolate covered cockroaches or deep fried road kill?
Me: the cockroaches
Wee Boy: I know! What idiot would pick road kill??
Wee Boy: Dave who is “cloddy moe-net”?
Me: who?
Wee Boy: Cloddy Moe-net, do you know who that is?
Me: no? Where do you see that?
Wee Boy: it says it right here
(The name was Claude Monet)
Wee Boy: So Dave, I told my friend Jake’s dad that you took me to the most haunted place in the country to walk around
Me: oh yeah what did he say?
Wee Boy: He said “I’m not surprised”
Wee Boy: So Dave, I’m making my Christmas list, and I just want to tell you, I think you’ll be happy with most of it, but there’s some things I had to ask Santa for that you may not be happy about. But don’t worry, I cut it down so there’s only six animals on it.
Wee Boy: So Dave, you know who old people hate?
Me: who?
Wee Boy: Teenagers
Me: Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: Oh I’ve seen it. They hate it when teenagers are around. They also hate rap music. Old people like songs like Mary Had a Little Lamb.
Wee Boy: can you sleep on planes
Me: oh yeah…something about jet noise makes me pass right out Wee Boy: oh. Okay.
(A minute later)
Wee Boy: you think you fart in your sleep when you’re on a plane?
Me: what? What made you ask that?
Wee Boy: oh, I guess it’s one of those things I wonder about.
Wee Boy: so Dave, after you got on the train my mom told me how a baby is made. It’s disgusting! I can’t believe the penis actually goes inside the vagina!
Me: well yeah, that’s about the size of it.
Wee Boy: yeah. I can’t believe that’s how it works! If I were making a baby I’d make sure my balls didn’t touch the vagina because that’s gross!
Wee Boy: So let me tell you something Dave, sometimes I have trouble controlling myself and all I have to do is shrug my shoulders and I fart. See?
(Proceeds to do it)
Wee Boy(at his computer): I really feel sorry for Mitt Romney
Me: oh yeah? Why’s that?
Wee Boy: well he lost the election to Obama, and based on these votes, he’s going to lose the Time For Kids Person of the Year to Obama AND Michael Phelps! I wish he could at least win SOMETHING for once!
Musings From the Wee Boy 