Issues with Communion

Kid at museum: Do you go to church?
Wee Boy: Sometimes
Kid: Which church do you go to?
Wee Boy: I dunno. I think church is creepy how they turn Jesus’s body into bread and eat him

Where I work

(watching robocop)

Me: you know how the company that built Robocop is Omni Consumer Products…well my company is called Omni-Com
Wee Boy: do they make drugs or robots?

Gender Utopia

Wee Boy: Dave, you know what’d be great? If the world were divided and girls had one side and boys had the other. Girls could have their flowers and it would be all pretty on their side and on the boys side you could poop and fart anytime you want. It’d be awesome!

When Girls Grow Up

Wee Boy: So Dave, did you know when I get older my balls will get bigger? But when girls grow up all they get is hair.

Interest in Baseball

Wee Boy: Dave who’s playing?
Me: Looks like the White Sox and the Rangers
Wee Boy: Who are you cheering for?
Me: The Sox how about you
Wee Boy: Oh I don’t care about baseball.

Dietary Hypotheticals

Wee Boy: So Dave, what would you rather eat? Maggot infested cheese or germ infested cheese?
Me: Well I wouldn’t want either
Wee Boy: well let’s say you had no choice, what would you choose?
Me: oh, I guess germ infested cheese
Wee Boy: Yeah good choice. I was thinking I’d probably do the same

Validity of UFO’s

Me: According to this, 36% of Americans believe in UFO’s
Wee Boy: why isn’t it 100%?

What’s Wrong with Def Leppard

Me: Hey do you know the words to this song?|
Wee Boy: no
Me: Really?
Wee Boy: No I can’t tell what he’s saying?
Me: He says “Pour some sugar on me”
Wee Boy: Really? What’s the matter with him?

Catching on

Wee Boy: Dave…I married my car and my kids will get 25 miles per gallon…so, you gonna put that on Facebook?

Faith in Insurance

(a Geico commercial comes on)

Wee Boy: Dave what company is this lizard for?
Me:Geico..it’s an insurance company.
Wee Boy: what’s that?
Me: it’s a service you pay for so when you have a car accident, they cover the costs.
Wee Boy: are they a lot of money?
Me: Oh yeah. Accidents can cost thousands of dollars
Wee Boy: What?! And I’m supposed to trust my insurance with a lizard?!