Wee Boy: so Dave, guess who would win in a race. The Roadrunner or Speedy Gonzales.
Me: how do you know who Speedy Gonzales is?
Wee Boy: oh he’s on the new Looney Tunes show.
Me: oh. I thought they stopped making shows with him because he’s a racial stereotype
Wee Boy: Oh he’s still on the show and it’s fine. . They just made it so he delivers the pizza now.
Origins of Words
Wee Boy: So is “vachina” a chinese word since it has China in it?
First Impression of Michael Jackson
(Showed the wee boy the Michael Jackson Thriller and Billy Jean video)
Wee Boy: Dave, wow that was awesome! Thriller is the best song ever but those zombies kind of freak me out. I have one question though- is Michael Jackson a boy or a girl?
Pity for Paulie
(I’m in one room and Rocky Balboa is on)
Wee Boy: so this is when Rocky is old eh?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: soooo, you don’t want to watch cartoons eh?
Me: no
Wee Boy: who is that guy
Me: That’s Paulie, Rocky’s buddy
Wee Boy: why is he yelling at Rocky?
Me: cos he’s mad he got fired
Wee Boy: he got fired?
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: that’s sad
Me: yeah
Wee Boy: well, this movie is making me sad. I’m going to go in the other room and watch cartoons. It’s not because I want to watch cartoons, it’s just because this movie makes me sad.
Me: well it gets happy
Wee Boy: oh I don’t know, I’m pretty sad now. Seriously Dave, it’s not because I’d rather watch cartoons, I’m just really sad that Paulie got fired and I don’t think I can get through this movie. Is that okay?
Ideal Pets
(Watching Jumanji)
Wee Boy: Ya know Dave, this is one of those movies that really gets me thinking how monkees would not be good pets
Celebrating Columbus Day
Marley: Well I was thinking of taking Matthew to the zoo Monday, but since its Columbus Day, everyone and their mom will be there.
Wee Boy: so what is Columbus Day about?
Me: Seriously you don’t know?
Wee Boy: No?
Me: Who do you know in history that had the last name of Columbus?
Wee Boy: I have no clue
Me: I’ll give you a hint, his first name starts with a C
Wee Boy: umm…Crazy Horse?
Me: no…what year was America discovered?
Wee Boy: 1887?
Me: haha no 1492. Do you know the rhyme for that?
Wee Boy: no?
Marley: his name was Chris….
Wee Boy: Christopher Columbus! That was on the tip of my tongue.
Me: yeah, so Columbus Day is a holiday to remember his first trip to America
Wee Boy: So is that why all the moms go to the zoo?
Me: what? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well my mom said people go to the zoo with their moms on Columbus Day. Is that because the moms want to teach their kids about Columbus with the animals?
Envy of Friends
Wee Boy: So my friend Timmy says I’m the luckiest kid he knows
Me: oh yeah why’s that?
Wee Boy: oh I don’t know. Maybe because I’m skinny, tall and I’m good at doing the worm
Hierarchy at Hooters
Wee Boy: So Dave, which of the Hooters girls from last night would you like to kiss? I’d pick the blonde one because she’s their leader.
The Worst Job
Wee Boy: so I was watching a show about the worst jobs. The worst job is if you have to inpregnate elephants. You know what you have to do? You have to massage their butts, and then stick medicine in the elephant’s pregnant hole! It’s disgusting!
Saying it and thinking it
(Terminator 2 is on AMC and the scene where John Connor is teaching the terminator how to speak street is on)
John Connor: when somebody is messing with you, just say “chill out dickweed!”
Marley: Matthew don’t you ever say that! That’s bad language
Wee Boy: oh don’t worry mom, I would never say that out loud. I just say that in my head about people sometimes so it’s fine.
Musings From the Wee Boy 