Wee Boy: I think the dog crapped in the basement
Marley: really?
Wee Boy: well I’m not sure but I think she did
Marley: how do you know? Did you see it
Wee Boy: well I’m not sure. But what I saw was brown and smelled really bad.
What Chris Farley Taught
(Watching Tommy Boy)
Wee Boy: so is the point of this movie that if you’re fat and you dance, you’ll have a heart attack?
Women’s Coats
Wee Boy: I can’t believe Kelci pees in that coat
Me: what? Why do you say that?
Wee Boy: well my mom says that’s her pee coat
Me: no that PEA COAT dude, just the name for the style
Wee Boy: well that’s creepy
Quantum Physics and having fun
Wee Boy: time sure goes fast
Marley: well they say time flies when you’re having fun
Wee Boy: well that’s the thing – I’m not having any fun so it must be something else causing it
Taking Credit
Wee Boy: hey do you smell something?
Marley: oh god! Yes! Did you fart? My god!
Wee Boy: Well yes, duh! …sheesh what else did you think that’d be?
Living humbly
(driving in Hinsdale)
Me: dude kids born in these houses come into this world with a silver spoon up their ass, we want to make sure you are always down to earth
Wee Boy: Dave, that’s impossible. Kids aren’t born with things up their butts are they mom?
The Girl From Wendy’s
(A new Wendy’s commercial comes on…the one where Wendy Thomas (THE Wendy in Wendy’s) is on)
Wee Boy: Dave is that the girl on the sign?
Me: yeah–she’s grown up quite a bit since they made that sign eh?
Wee Boy: Yeah and I bet from the looks of her she eats at Wendy’s a lot. I don’t want to be mean but she’s really let herself go.
(Note she was 6 when the Wendy’s logo was created…she’s almost 50 now)
Biggest Fears
Wee Boy: Dave, just to let you know, a nuclear war is my first biggest fear because that’d be the end of the world. My second biggest fear is getting my penis cut off because then I couldn’t control how my pee comes out
Dog vs. Women References
(First Monday morning conversation…) Wee Boy: oh Sophie. (Our dog) you are just so cute and sexy and hot!
Me: hey dude, sexy and hot aren’t terms you use to describe a dog
Wee Boy: why not?
Me: do you know what they mean?
Wee Boy: that she’s pretty
Me: well kind of but not exactly. You’ll learn more about that stuff in the next couple of years. Just trust me that those are terms you only use for humans. Seriously, don’t call Sophie ‘sexy’ in front of your friends dude. You say she’s pretty and stuff.
Wee Boy: will my friends laugh at me?
Me: yeah especially once you’re in junior high.
Robot Nutrition
(Trying to get the wee boy to eat his beans)
Me: hey you the guy who is the Terminator? That guy had to eat lots of beans to get those kinds of muscles
Wee Boy: Dave, he was a robot. And robots eat and poop nails. Everybody knows that.
Musings From the Wee Boy 