Marley: so what do you want to name your pet crab?
Wee Boy: Hmmm…how about Crabby Pincher? But just say Pincher…the ‘crabby’ part is silent
Looking out for Mike Tyson
Wee Boy: Dave what state does Mike Tyson live in?
Me: well I think he lives in Nevada
Wee Boy: Is it illegal to hit girls there?
Incremental Prettiness
Marley: Matthew do you think that girl is pretty? (watching Tron Legacy)
Wee Boy: Yeah but she’s only 60% as pretty as you
The Simple Things About Mom
Wee Boy: You know what I love about you mom?
Marley: what’s that?
Wee Boy: that you act like a mom
Babysitting Economics
Nora: Matthew you’re going to be at an age soon where you could babysit. You think you’d watch my kid and earn some money?
Wee Boy: well it depends if I like him or not
Nora: really, what if I paid you $20?
Wee Boy: well if I like him that’d be fine. But if I don’t like him I’d need probably $100
Hawaiian Math Teacher
Wee Boy: my math teacher speaks Hawaiian. He says ‘Aloha’ instead of hello
Me: Oh yeah? Is he really Hawaiin?
Wee Boy: No. He’s just a white dude who says Hawaiin stuff
Potential Value
Marley: uh oh, we might have silverfish in the bathroom
Wee Boy: really? How much would they be worth?
Figuring out Acronyms
Wee Boy: Mom remember when you said PMS stands for something I’ll learn about when I’m older? Well I think I figured out what that stands for
Marley: What?!
Wee Boy: it means Poo Manatee Soil
Rocky and Life
Wee Boy: Dave do we have to watch Rocky IV?
Me: Yeah dude, you’ve had cartoons on all morning.
Wee Boy: why do you want me to watch Rocky IV though? Because you want to teach me about life?
(ponders for a second)
Me: yes…that’s exactly why
New Home Milestone
(toilet flushes…wee boy walks out)
Wee Boy: Hey Dave ya know what?
Me: what’s that?
Wee Boy: I took my first dump in the new house! Isn’t that great!
Musings From the Wee Boy 