Wee Boy: This guy comes over and trims my mom’s bush and she has to pay him a lot of money to do it
Marley: (uncontrollable laughter)
Wee Boy: what? You said it’s expensive?
Category Age
Observations
Wee Boy (as he’s getting out of the car) “So mom, I was thinking….I’m gonna go ahead and take a guess that you and Dave have sex. Alright see ya!”
The Beatles
Wee Boy (looking at a magazine with the Beatles on it after practicing bass): so which guys are dead?
Me: John and George
Wee Boy: what did they play?
Me: they both played guitar
Wee Boy (looks at his bass): so the other guys probably need a guitar player huh?
Who to Talk To About It
Wee Boy: Mom! I have a problem! My penis is getting big again!
Marley: Matthew that’s normal. And it’ll start happening more
Wee Boy: Oh god really?
Marley: Yeah and really that’s something you should talk to Dave or your dad about cos that’s really a private boy thing
Wee Boy: Yeah I guess so since all you’ve got is a vagina
Boys with Boys
Wee Boy: So what’s with boys who are with boys?
Marley: Well some people are in love with people of the same gender.
Wee Boy: Is it bad that I think it’s weird?
Marley: why do you think it’s weird?
Wee Boy: Well doesn’t a penis go with a vagina?
Marley: Well not always. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way at your age, but what’s important is that you treat everybody equally regardless of who they are in love with.
Wee Boy: Well girls and girls together are good, but I don’t know about two guys.
Me: Well as you get older, you’ll meet guys who are together that are perfectly cool guys. I’m sure you’ll talk about more about this in school.
Wee Boy: yeah probably
(dear god I hope the education system doesn’t muck this up)
TV in the old days
Me: you know how much tv you watched today?
Wee Boy: I dunno
Me: 2 hours
Wee Boy: oh
Me: don’t you think that’s a lot?
Wee Boy: yeah that’s pretty good
Me: *sigh* you know when I was your age we didn’t have cable and apple tv. We had three channels. And so we had to find other things to do. What do you think about that?
Wee Boy: oh that sounds like pain man. You really had it hard
What’s Good about Dave
Wee Boy: Mom I’m really glad you met Dave. Because of him I know about old times, David Bowie, Drive by Truckers, Johnny Cash, The Beatles, Metallica, Slayer, ribs, burritos and haunted places.
Child Negativity
Marley: Okay Matthew, TV off now. You need to read for at least 30 minutes today, so why don’t you go get one of your chapter books?
Wee Boy: well how about I stop watching TV and play Nintendo
Marley: no, Matthew you need to read. Dave and I will be watching a documentary in the living room
Wee Boy: well how about I play Legos and read Time for kids?
Marley: Matthew you need to read your chapter books! I didn’t spend $50 on those books for you not to read them!
Wee Boy: well I just think that…
Marley: Matthew I’m not going to argue with you. You need to spend 30 minutes reading your chapter book! Go do it!
Wee Boy: You know mom, I’m really concerned about all this negativity. I think this negative attitude towards your child is really unhealthy
New Sibling
Marley: Matthew I have some news
Wee Boy: what’s that?
Marley: you’re going to be a big brother!!
Wee Boy: really?
Marley: yap!
Wee Boy: nice…
Wee Boy (a minute later): ya know I knew it!
Marley: really?
Wee Boy: yeah…I knew you and Dave have sex!
Back in the Day
Me: dude you know how old I was when I first got an iPhone?
Wee boy: how old?
Me: I was 30. You know how crazy it is that 11 year olds get upset that they can’t have theirs during dinner?
Wee Boy: yes Dave, you’ve told all about how hard it was in the 80’s when all kids could do is draw and talk
Musings From the Wee Boy 