Competing with the Chinese

Wee Boy: Dave do you think I should have a shorter school year?
Me: No. Actually there’s states that’d like to have kids go all year round
Wee Boy: Why?
Me: So you can be on the same level as the Chinese kids your age
Wee Boy: why do I have to be at the same level as the Chinese?
Me: Because you’ll have to compete with them for jobs when you get older.
Wee Boy: Dave, there’s no way the Chinese will take my jobs. They can’t even speak our language. You can’t work at the video game store like that

Feeling Sorry for Mitt Romney

Wee Boy(at his computer): I really feel sorry for Mitt Romney
Me: oh yeah? Why’s that?
Wee Boy: well he lost the election to Obama, and based on these votes, he’s going to lose the Time For Kids Person of the Year to Obama AND Michael Phelps! I wish he could at least win SOMETHING for once!

Punishment

(Wee boy got in trouble at school today)
Marley: no TV tonight or tomorrow morning
Wee Boy: okay *sigh*
(Five minutes later)
Wee Boy: so you’re still upset at me mom?
Marley: well I’ve said my piece and you got your punishment
Wee Boy: well I don’t think my punishment is severe enough. How about instead of no TV, I have to sleep on the floor?

Good News

Marley: hey Matthew, why don’t you tell Dave the good news you told me?
Wee Boy: oh yeah. Dave you look 15 years younger when you shave your beard!
Marley: no what was the news you told me?
Wee Boy: oh yeah..I got an A on my test

Twins

Wee Boy: Barbara (girl in his class) says she is going to choose to marry me, Garrett or Tim (other kids in his class). But I don’t care, she has a twin.
Marley: what does that mean?
Wee Boy: if she picks one of them, I’ll just take her twin.

Trading Places

Me: Goodnight dude.
Wee Boy: Goodnight Dave
Me: I won’t see you until Friday so you have a good couple of days at school
Wee Boy: why?
Me: I gotta go to New York for a couple days
Wee Boy: awwww
Me: Well I was thinking, how about you go to New York and do my presentation and I’ll go to school in your place
Wee Boy: are you serious?
Me: Sure! Why not?
Wee Boy: Dave, you wouldn’t have any idea what’s going on if you went to my school. You’d be totally lost. Seriously, you better just go to New York because at least you’d know what’s going on

Trouble at lunch

Me: so how was school?
Wee Boy: it was great! Well except for lunch.
Me: oh yeah? Was it goulash day?
Wee Boy: no. They said I bit a kid.
Me: really? Well did you?
Wee Boy: well that’s the thing. I don’t really remember
Me: well dude, either you did or you didn’t. What happened?
Wee Boy: well let’s just put it like this- a kid was pointing his finger at me and it MAY have run into my teeth