Author Archives: Dave McAnally

Trading Places

Me: Goodnight dude.
Wee Boy: Goodnight Dave
Me: I won’t see you until Friday so you have a good couple of days at school
Wee Boy: why?
Me: I gotta go to New York for a couple days
Wee Boy: awwww
Me: Well I was thinking, how about you go to New York and do my presentation and I’ll go to school in your place
Wee Boy: are you serious?
Me: Sure! Why not?
Wee Boy: Dave, you wouldn’t have any idea what’s going on if you went to my school. You’d be totally lost. Seriously, you better just go to New York because at least you’d know what’s going on

Trouble at lunch

Me: so how was school?
Wee Boy: it was great! Well except for lunch.
Me: oh yeah? Was it goulash day?
Wee Boy: no. They said I bit a kid.
Me: really? Well did you?
Wee Boy: well that’s the thing. I don’t really remember
Me: well dude, either you did or you didn’t. What happened?
Wee Boy: well let’s just put it like this- a kid was pointing his finger at me and it MAY have run into my teeth

Child Negativity

Marley: Okay Matthew, TV off now. You need to read for at least 30 minutes today, so why don’t you go get one of your chapter books?
Wee Boy: well how about I stop watching TV and play Nintendo
Marley: no, Matthew you need to read. Dave and I will be watching a documentary in the living room
Wee Boy: well how about I play Legos and read Time for kids?
Marley: Matthew you need to read your chapter books! I didn’t spend $50 on those books for you not to read them!
Wee Boy: well I just think that…
Marley: Matthew I’m not going to argue with you. You need to spend 30 minutes reading your chapter book! Go do it!
Wee Boy: You know mom, I’m really concerned about all this negativity. I think this negative attitude towards your child is really unhealthy

Home Security

Wee Boy: so when are we taking a trip to Australia?
Me: when you come up with 15 grand or so to afford the trip
Wee Boy: hmm, well I don’t have that much. The only reason I want to go is because I want to get an emu egg so I can raise it
Me: well even if you do get an emu egg, you’re not raising it at our house
Wee Boy: well have you thought of the benefits? We’d never have burglars because they’d see the emu through the windows.
Me: so you’re saying emus make good guard animals?
Wee Boy: yes! Plus we could make sure its friends with Sophie. We could put signs up that say “Beware Attack Emus”. It’d be perfect! Just don’t make an omelett out of the egg Dave. That would make me really upset.
Me: well how about we just put up the signs. We don’t need to actually have the attack Emu.
Wee Boy: Dave. That’s ridiculous. Burglars will never believe it just because there’s a sign.

New Sibling

Marley: Matthew I have some news
Wee Boy: what’s that?
Marley: you’re going to be a big brother!!
Wee Boy: really? 
Marley: yap!
Wee Boy: nice…
Wee Boy (a minute later): ya know I knew it!
Marley: really?
Wee Boy: yeah…I knew you and Dave have sex!

Female President

 

Wee Boy: so Dave, do you think there will ever be a female president?
Me: sure. Probably in the next election we could have one the way things are going
Wee Boy: oh really? Are you worried about that?
Me: no not really.
Wee Boy: you don’t think if there was a woman president she’d make all the men do the work so women could shop and do their hair? Because that’s what I’m worried about.

Back in the Day

 

Me: dude you know how old I was when I first got an iPhone?
Wee boy: how old?
Me: I was 30. You know how crazy it is that 11 year olds get upset that they can’t have theirs during dinner?
Wee Boy: yes Dave, you’ve told all about how hard it was in the 80’s when all kids could do is draw and talk